influx to outflow

wild-wanderlustt: “We are sun and moon, dear friend; we are sea...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 00:01:17 -0400

“We are sun and moon, dear friend; we are sea and land. It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is: each the other’s opposite and complement.” ~Hermann Hesse
💙🌚🌊🌞🌾💙

my edits!! follow me!!

http://fairy-wonderlanddd.tumblr.com

Instagram: @wild_wanderlust

holy shiiiiiiiit like 10 thousand notes later……

wild-wanderlustt: I made this

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 02:32:53 -0500

wild-wanderlustt:

I made this

11

Mon, 21 May 2012 13:32:44 -0400

such a beautiful day today

gonna spend it tanning outside :)

mm yesss

Mon, 21 May 2012 05:14:26 -0400

mm yesss

Photo

Mon, 21 May 2012 04:50:02 -0400

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Mon, 21 May 2012 04:49:27 -0400

well i almost fainted today…went to my boyfriend’s friend’s graduation party and it was fucking HOTTTT out and i had just had an iced coffee and idk i get dehydrated really easy and i just started to faaaaade. elric sat me down with some water and while i was sitting in the chair i could feel myself going in and out of consciousness, my whole body was sweating.

and then el picked me up and carried me upstairs and put me in bed and took care of me until i was all better :)

i love that boy.

anddddd the rest of the day consisted of to dieeeee for sex, lotsa joints, and snugglin…hehe :)

goodnight world

fairy-wonderlanddd: my beautiful sister @katiealysse15 gettin...

Sat, 19 May 2012 00:39:06 -0400

fairy-wonderlanddd:

my beautiful sister @katiealysse15 gettin ready for promm! (Taken with instagram)

inspiring-illustration: Sayumi Kudo

Sat, 19 May 2012 00:38:00 -0400

inspiring-illustration:

Sayumi Kudo

a new introduction

Fri, 18 May 2012 02:48:47 -0400

i did an introduction as the first post on this blog, but things have changed a tid-bit :). updating!!

so the basics?
name: megan
age: 20
work: …i babysit sometimes
school: none at the time being, but enrolled in community college out in CALIFORNIAAA gonna be there this summer or in the fall
relationship status: i have found my soulmate
living: back at my parents house
interests: hanging out with the people i love, i like writing, i love dancing and raves and music festivals. taking pictures and painting. hooping!! i love playing with my dog. i love being cuddled by my boyfriend. smoking weed soothes my soul and clears my head :). the occasional trip-out sesh is also lovely.
background info: a fun loving, optimistic girl who loves being able to put a smile on someones face. i’m a bit of a pushover, and definitely don’t demand the respect that i probably deserve. but i’m a strong believer in karma, so what goes around comes around.

sounds a lot less depressing this time around…

Photo

Fri, 18 May 2012 02:39:00 -0400

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Fri, 18 May 2012 02:31:44 -0400

thinking about turning this into somewhat of an advice blog…any thoughts??

i’ve always been really good at helping people out and making anyone smile, i really think its what i’m in this world to do.

SO PLEASE if you need to talk to want to vent or whatever, just message me and i promise to give you my very best, always.

balance, life, regeneration, hope live by the sun, love by the...

Fri, 18 May 2012 02:18:46 -0400

balance, life, regeneration, hope

live by the sun, love by the moon

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Fri, 18 May 2012 02:16:35 -0400

so i finally feel like the ground is back underneath my feet. i’ve become less lost, found more balance in my life, started hooping.

i’m going back to school now too, i realized that in new hampshire there is really nothing for me. can’t find a job with no job experience, and have gone back to the old high school ways of babysitting in order to get some extra cash. most of my money goes towards weed…and gas. but i think thats money well spent on open-mindedness and adventures.

i want to be a teacher. i’ve always loved kids and being able to put smiles on faces. i don’t know what age group i want to work with…but i’ll figure it out :)

okay but so the REAL exciting news…

is that…

i’m moving to CALIIIIIII

yep. enrolled in miracosta college in oceanside, california. both me and my boyfriend are. so once all his student loans and financial aid shit is in order, we’re packing up the camry (don’t know how we’re gonna make it all fit…) and roadtrippin out west! definitely bringing my camera with me to document the whole adventure, but i’m more than excited. get to go start a new life in a sunny place where the darkness won’t reach my soul. with my baby and the love of my life. new friends, new environment, fresh start in school, new major, a total upgrade.

following your dreams is incredibly important. i’ve spent way too much time living in fear and quitting when things get too hard, and i’m sick of it. i want to make something for myself, make myself proud. work towards a goal. be a real human being. you really can achieve anything you want to when you put your mind to it.

life can be a beautiful thing if you let it.

this is me and him :)

Fri, 18 May 2012 02:08:18 -0400

this is me and him :)

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Fri, 18 May 2012 02:04:19 -0400

…i haven’t posted on this blog in forever. i seriously need a hobby though, and i always come back to writing. so here i am.

life works in the most mysterious of ways.

stop asking and searching, and you will be given what you’ve always wanted. patience truly is a virtue. i always think about this—its so incredibly true. the moment i chill out and take a step back, see the reality of the situation, i’m always rewarded with what i was looking for all along.

i’ve always been such a strong believer in love that its almost dumb. i’m a hopeless romantic and i believe in the whole “other half”, soulmate sorta thing. i really, truly believe that there is someone out there for every person, and i genuinely hope that everyone finds what they’re looking for. but stop looking. you will never truly appreciate what you have if you’re constantly trying to find something better. i spent so much time looking for “the one”, exerting energy into relationships that were going nowhere, trying to make the impossible plausible. and i was making myself miserable, confused why i wasn’t happy, why i always wanted more—needed more, like i was craving something i could never find.

and then i hit rock bottom. alone, bored, confused, angry. back in a town that has made me miserable since i was 15. not knowing what to do with myself. and then the forces of nature gave me a present, my guardian angel. i ran into someone i used to know in high school, but i thought nothing of him at the time. and now hes turned into my best friend, my knight in shining armor, everything i could have ever wanted. and he loves meunconditionally.

don’t settle for something that only makes you smile every once in a while. love is about laughter, and fun, and joy, and peace. there’s no place in the world that i feel safer than when i’m laying in his arms. he makes me laugh, surprises me, treats me like i hold up his world. he holds up my world.

enough sappiness for now,

goodnight lovebugs
xx

6 (part II)

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 23:26:48 -0500

so basically i feel so crappy. my life has been such a shitshow the last few months and it just really shows. the things i never said before were how much i felt like i was forcing my relationship just because i thought i would be happier with him. it felt like i was trying to push together two puzzle pieces that clearly didn’t fit. him and i are extremely different people. i do not think we fit like we thought we did at first.

more things i never said. i cheated on him. had sex with two guys who weren’t him, one of them i hooked up with multiple times and happens to be a sort of ex-fling. yeah i know i suck. i have a problem where when i’m given attention i love all the attention and sortaaaa soak it up i guess? and that would be amazing if i had a boyfriend i could see all the time and get attention from and give attention to, but he was gone. and its not his fault. its definitely mine.

he was a wreck. we were video chatting when i did it, and he couldn’t stop crying. it was so hard like i wanted to reach out and touch his face so bad and make him feel better. i was crying a lot too. the thing is that i know this break up is really necessary, but goodbyes to me are terrifying. i’m so scared of being forgotten or hated or just like left alone. which is interesting since i was the one doing the breaking up, yet crying because i didn’t want to lose him. it makes me really sad thinking about the fact that i could easily never see him ever again. i care about him a lot, and i want him to be happy. our lives were just going in separate directions. he loves his school and writing for the paper and all of his friends there, even though its his home town and he lives with his parents and brother still. i hate my town, hate living at home, and have no idea what my passions are or anything. i need time to figure myself out before i try to just mold to someone else’s life, which is what was going to happen if i kept being with him. it’s just been a sad day.

and this whole gypsy boy thing. well i’m totally intrigued and captivated by him. all night he was being so sweet and saying the nicest things to me. and he didn’t even go to unh, one of his friends got arrested, and he still walked me back to where i needed to go. and i love talking to him, which isn’t that much just some texting here and there. but i don’t know. i have to see him again. i’m totally boy crazyyyy :/.

now i’m at the beach house for thanksgiving with the family tomorrow. maine is beautiful, the stars are amazing thanks to no light pollution. so cold and windy though. but i love it here.

i’ll write more at some point.

6 (part I)

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 23:11:34 -0500

wellllllll, a lot has happened since the last time i wrote. i’m gonna split this into two posts, one about details, one about feelings. so this is part one.

so i saw avicii on saturday night. drove up to unh a little early to hang out with my cousin and his friends a bit and get ready. at the show, they all had floor tickets and i didn’t so i just chilled in the stands by myself. an amazing guy, who i’m going to call gypsy boy, ended up coming over to me after a little bit, and i danced with him for the rest of the night. probably shouldn’t have, but i was enjoying myself and having a good night so no regrets. after the show was over, him and his friend walked me back to where my cousin was staying, and i said bye. drove home later that night, didn’t get back til mad late. but it was a really good night, avicii was beautiful of course and i had a lot of fun.

i worked on sunday, and when i got home from work i had some messages on my other tumblr. one said, “i met this beautiful girl at avicii in unh, she kinda looked like you (;” and then a second one that had his number and a “would be nice to reintroduce myself”. naturally, i had to text him, and it was gypsy boy of course, and well we’ve been talking ever since. he’s really sweet, and i actually love talking to him. i probably sound like an awful girlfriend, and i am given the fact that my boyfriend is 4 hours away and i had barely been communicating with him. long distance is so much harder than i thought.

monday i drove up to the cape with one of my uvm friends to visit another one of our friends. her and i had a fun drive and when we met up with him we met a few of his friends and chilled mostly. smoked a lot of weed and got to go in a hot tub which was amazing. at night they wanted to watch a scary movie and picked the hills have eyes, which i’ve seen but not for like 3 or 4 years if not more. they both ended up falling asleep and i was left by myself watching a mutant rape scene, freaking out. woke them up and made them shut it off. it was a fun night, and jenna and i left earlyish the next morning to go back to nh.

yesterday, tuesday, was a lot of fun too. just got super baked and chilled with my friends who just got back home for thanksgiving. its nice seeing all of them, i miss them more than i think i do.

and now today i wake up, and talk to my boyfriend for a little. we both have been pretty busy and i had been genuinely happy for the last few days, and him and i had barely talked. i don’t know. basically i ended up breaking up with him. he was pretty understanding about it, but really sad and cried a lot which was hard. i felt so bad. and i cried a lot too. so i guess i’m single now.

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Tue, 15 Nov 2011 21:54:10 -0500

just got lectured by my dad which is definitely my favorite activity in the world. told me all about how he can see how miserable i am here and it’s making everyone else miserable and i need plans and need to know what i want out of life. and that working is a means to an end in order to live the life i want. blah blah blah.

it makes me feel shittier about myself.

like clearly i understand all of these things. i am very well aware of the fact that i am absolutely miserable at home. i do nothing all day long. i hate this town. all my friends from high school that are productive to be around go to school or have new lives. i realize that i just pretty much sit at home on my computer all day, or spend too many hours sleeping. some days i go for really long periods of time without actually speaking, unless its to my dogs which just makes me feel more pathetic. i realize that i should be spending my time trying to get more hours at work or finding another job but the motivation to do these things just isn’t there. i know that i’ve become a victim to my situation and i’m wallowing in self-pity.

the hard thing is that i can’t even express myself though. like i can’t even tell my dad that i do have plans or that i do have dreams or that i do actually have things that i want to do in life. i want to be happy and feel accomplished and all that great stuff.

sometimes i think that i want to take art classes at a community college. i would want to take a bunch of different kinds of art classes, so that there are more opportunities for me to find something that i am passionate about. i think that if i really were to try to photography i could get really into it, but i never just like do it. i also want to be out of my house, so i don’t know if that would mean living in an apartment or being back in school or what. i should probably have a job since i’ve never been able to actually hold a steady job. sometimes i spend hours on craigslist looking for apartments in my state, or new york, or boston, or california.

i hate doing things alone though. i think thats one of the main problems. i also have a huge fear of failure, which pretty much inhibits me from accomplishing anything.

i have no idea what the fuck to do.

on a happier note! this is a picture my best friend took of me...

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 22:53:55 -0500

on a happier note! this is a picture my best friend took of me during summer. she’s so arrrrtsy :)!

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Mon, 14 Nov 2011 21:39:00 -0500

i haven’t been on this blog in a while. i think that’s sort of representative of how i live my life and take care of myself. or don’t take care of myself i suppose.

i’m exhausted. i spend all of my time looking out for others and making sure my friends are doing okay. i put all my energy into other people hoping that it will make me feel better about myself. and it does for a little bit, until that fades and i’m left at the end of the day with just me and my thoughts. i don’t mean this in a selfish or like i don’t know annoying “i’m better than you way” but it honestly is disconcerting to me how many people talk to me on a daily basis and like want my attention. i hate how loved i am. because it just makes me feel more obligated to take care of those people. i wish i could just walk away from everyone and everything.

and i say these things, but i don’t think i really mean them. i know that i will never stop overly-caring for people. i know that i will probably always be everyone’s confidant. i know that it will probably always be extremely challenging for me to express how i feel.

i also have this problem where i’m really good at pretending i’m okay. i’m smiley, i’m flirty, and everyone always assumes that i’m okay. and only a few people who know me really well know when something’s up.

blah.

my boyfriend might be buying me tickets to go see avicii at unh this weekend. that will be good and fun i need to go into my fairy wonderland for a little bit.

write later.